on belonging & being open

a lot of people I’ve worked with have struggled with feeling they do not belong, misunderstood, or like an outsider. it could be hard to make friends, have romantic relationships or relate to people in your family of origin. maybe you feel unease that you are not showing up as the full expression of you in your relationships.

where does this feeling of not belonging come from?

maybe you felt unseen as a child. maybe you have interests or perspectives that have been shamed by others. maybe you actually make yourself different, or perceive yourself as different - to keep distance from others… maybe it is ancestral trauma that is not yours to carry. maybe out of scarcity mindset, you have chosen people in your life who do not appreciate the real you, which perpetuates the idea that you don’t belong. (scarcity mindset is when you fear you will not get what you want, so you settle for less.) …or maybe you don’t have to know where the feeling of not belonging came from…

I found this quote on my phone that I saved years ago when I was feeling like I didn't belong:

“Instead of always asking: ‘where do I belong?’ - a question that is based in shortage - consider reversing your definition of the word from a noun to a verb, in which belonging becomes a practice of generosity as in, ‘I belong myself to that which I love.’"

another way to think of it: I belong myself to that which I am open to… because love and generosity are at their core… openness. if you want more of something in your life, you must have the openness, the space… for it to be.

when I shifted my approach to think of it this way, I realized that I can make a choice in each moment, where I belong, and how open or closed I will intend to be. I remembered that I belong everywhere; we are all children of the earth after all. we are meant to be open to life. just watch a child in their joy and freedom of expression, before they are tainted by outside perspectives, and you may remember that at your core, you are that open too. it is understandable to have learned to close off to protect yourself, but imagine all that you are missing out on experiencing…

and though we truly belong everywhere, you don’t have to stay in relationships or environments that do not serve you. keep staying open to the ones that truly see and hear the full you. and if you haven’t found them yet, know that by being yourself, you inevitably will.

about (c h a n g e)

things keep moving around me
i feel overwhelmed

but wait
i am not separate from this change
i am creating it
i am a part of it

the change is gaining so much momentum
and on we go
catching glimpses as things rotate 
what a blur

as i wonder how to cope i think back to my teen years
spinning in circles on the sidewalk in the backyard as it rained
the rain poured down on me and i felt bliss

soaking wet
i was immersed in the moment 
i was alive
i was a part of it
it was not happening TO me
i was a part of it

that is how i enjoyed it
no resistance
i became it

so maybe now if i feel the fullness of this i will have greater awareness
greater appreciation
for the change

even if i am spinning
at least i am feeling it all 

and now i am part of the movement

i dance with this change

i’ll see where we arrive
but until then i am experiencing it
and it is me

i am changing 

Takeaways from “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”

I recently read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and wanted to share some things I took from it.

• I found it to be an empowering book, with effective strategies to reclaim your emotional freedom, and have healthier relationships, not just with your parents, but yourself and anyone in your life… by becoming a compassionate observer and recognizing most people are doing the best they can, the best they know.

• It helped me see ways in which I have emotionally immature behavior too!

• A simple way to explain emotionally immature behavior is being unable to think and feel at the same time. I like to take a trauma-informed perspective and keep in mind that people have different capacities at different times. We can only do our best at the time.

• Our true self uses emotional problems to try to get our attention; to wake us up to our true needs!

• Breakdowns reveal deeper truths. Often when we are experiencing a breakdown of some kind… either an emotional, personal one, or within a relationship or other structure, our truth as we know it at the time is breaking down…

• We struggle more when we deny our truth.

• The most impactful takeaway: I hadn’t realized the large impact of experiencing emotional loneliness growing up. How this affects self-care and self-acceptance in our later life… and therefore our relationships… so deeply.

Physical copies and the audiobook are available at the Austin Public Library. It is also available on Spotify Premium.

2025 - year of the snake

Happy new year! In the Chinese zodiac, 2025 is the year of the snake. I was also born in a year of the snake - 1989. The year of the snake represents wisdom, transformation, and intuition. It's also a time for growth, renewal, and creativity. The snake is known for shedding its skin, which symbolizes letting go of the past and embracing the new.

I’m not usually big on formal new years resolutions. However, I have been seeing a lot of snake imagery recently and another friend reminded me it is the year of the snake… I feel the snake has a message for me. I have been reflecting on areas in my life that feel stagnant. Where am I suffering in a loop? What needs to change? What does surrender look like for me at this time?

The last few months I have been practicing slowing down and resting more. I realized I hadn’t been spending as much quiet time with nature. So remember, if you do make a new years resolution, it doesn’t always have to be about doing more; it could be about doing less, or being more. However for those who need to push themselves by doing more, or pushing harder… I also commend you for that. It’s up to us to decide what’s best for us at any given time. And we’re always changing…

Why do people want a “witness” to their trauma?

A cornerstone of trauma treatment for decades has been the telling of the story to a "witness." But telling "what happened" is not just a drive to be “witnessed.”

Human beings want to be heard when they are afraid, distressed, angry, hurt, or lonely because they want someone to help “do something” in an attempt to shift their nervous system state.

A cry for help is a natural response. It is an instinctive response for children especially, or anyone feeling vulnerable.

So, "wanting to be heard" while healing trauma may be a feeling memory of the longing to be helped, not a present day longing to be acknowledged.

It makes so much sense to want to be helped… then and now. And what strength you have, for trying to get what you need. Keep going.

Is love enough?

(when you feel helpless to support a loved one)

Love is an invitation for someone to love themselves deeper, to open… to feel their worth, to connect. I’m sure you show your love to friends and family on the regular, but especially when you know someone is struggling, you may express your love and care for them even more.

Is this love and care enough to help someone who is experiencing a hard time?

You are showing up for your loved one by showing you care, and this could catalyze a change. However, others have to be willing to accept love, to open, to change, to accept help, and to show up for themselves.

Sometimes we feel helpless or frustrated when we try to help others by showing them we love them and they are worthy. We hope it inspires them. We try to fill them with love, pour it into them. Sometimes it’s hard to understand if it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. We may feel at a loss.

Remember, your loved one is the container of themself and they have to be willing to open to your love, to hold onto it, and to transform it.

Know you are doing all you can. And by maintaining your own container through the self care that you find nourishing, you are giving even more.

So, forget the question: is love enough… its not that simple. Instead of asking yourself if you are doing enough, ask yourself what more you need at this time. It’s easy to forget about ourselves when our heart is going out to another.

Know that love is a lot. Know you are giving more than you realize. Know that even if it doesn’t seem to be received, you are emitting it. Recognize your limits in giving to others. Keep giving to yourself. Show up for you.

Guess what? You’re living your love.

Learning from fear

i love this quote.

“ FEAR has two meanings :

. . . forget everything and run . . .

. . . face everything and rise . . .

the choice is yours. “

-zig ziglar

so many times you have wanted to give up on something or someone, to run away or hide, before you have even gotten started.

but there’s so much here to discover. there’s so much more of you that you have yet to meet.

fear can be protective. maybe it was good to stay away from certain situations that your gut told you were off.

(in what ways has fear helped you?)

fear can also be limiting. you may feel stagnant, afraid to make a move.

(in what ways has fear held you back?)