on belonging & being open

a lot of people I’ve worked with have struggled with feeling they do not belong, misunderstood, or like an outsider. it could be hard to make friends, have romantic relationships or relate to people in your family of origin. maybe you feel unease that you are not showing up as the full expression of you in your relationships.

where does this feeling of not belonging come from?

maybe you felt unseen as a child. maybe you have interests or perspectives that have been shamed by others. maybe you actually make yourself different, or perceive yourself as different - to keep distance from others… maybe it is ancestral trauma that is not yours to carry. maybe out of scarcity mindset, you have chosen people in your life who do not appreciate the real you, which perpetuates the idea that you don’t belong. (scarcity mindset is when you fear you will not get what you want, so you settle for less.) …or maybe you don’t have to know where the feeling of not belonging came from…

I found this quote on my phone that I saved years ago when I was feeling like I didn't belong:

“Instead of always asking: ‘where do I belong?’ - a question that is based in shortage - consider reversing your definition of the word from a noun to a verb, in which belonging becomes a practice of generosity as in, ‘I belong myself to that which I love.’"

another way to think of it: I belong myself to that which I am open to… because love and generosity are at their core… openness. if you want more of something in your life, you must have the openness, the space… for it to be.

when I shifted my approach to think of it this way, I realized that I can make a choice in each moment, where I belong, and how open or closed I will intend to be. I remembered that I belong everywhere; we are all children of the earth after all. we are meant to be open to life. just watch a child in their joy and freedom of expression, before they are tainted by outside perspectives, and you may remember that at your core, you are that open too. it is understandable to have learned to close off to protect yourself, but imagine all that you are missing out on experiencing…

and though we truly belong everywhere, you don’t have to stay in relationships or environments that do not serve you. keep staying open to the ones that truly see and hear the full you. and if you haven’t found them yet, know that by being yourself, you inevitably will.

Is love enough?

(when you feel helpless to support a loved one)

Love is an invitation for someone to love themselves deeper, to open… to feel their worth, to connect. I’m sure you show your love to friends and family on the regular, but especially when you know someone is struggling, you may express your love and care for them even more.

Is this love and care enough to help someone who is experiencing a hard time?

You are showing up for your loved one by showing you care, and this could catalyze a change. However, others have to be willing to accept love, to open, to change, to accept help, and to show up for themselves.

Sometimes we feel helpless or frustrated when we try to help others by showing them we love them and they are worthy. We hope it inspires them. We try to fill them with love, pour it into them. Sometimes it’s hard to understand if it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. We may feel at a loss.

Remember, your loved one is the container of themself and they have to be willing to open to your love, to hold onto it, and to transform it.

Know you are doing all you can. And by maintaining your own container through the self care that you find nourishing, you are giving even more.

So, forget the question: is love enough… its not that simple. Instead of asking yourself if you are doing enough, ask yourself what more you need at this time. It’s easy to forget about ourselves when our heart is going out to another.

Know that love is a lot. Know you are giving more than you realize. Know that even if it doesn’t seem to be received, you are emitting it. Recognize your limits in giving to others. Keep giving to yourself. Show up for you.

Guess what? You’re living your love.